Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
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