We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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