The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
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