I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
she smelled like a LAN party
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
