I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Randomize
