also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize
