DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
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