Betty ford says i'm here all night
am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
