May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
