I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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