You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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