just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
