it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
