I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
