i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
two words...techno handjob
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
Randomize
