Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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