Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
