why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Randomize
