i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
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