I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
no. you can't hotbox the world.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
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