He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Randomize
