what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
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