6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So much rum. So many feels.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Randomize