I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
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I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
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how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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