So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
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