The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
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