he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
whose parrot is this?
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
