who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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