i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Randomize
