Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Randomize
