if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize
