I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Randomize
