Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
organizing the empties. That sober.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
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