no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
She's not a foreskin expert like you
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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