everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
Randomize
