Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
