They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
