I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
