btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
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