so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
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