you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize