TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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