I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
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