wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
