Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
