My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Randomize
