____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Randomize
