How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Randomize
