I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
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