Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
