Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
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