you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
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