How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
