so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
You dont lie about slip and slides
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
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