I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Randomize
