he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
