This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Randomize
