now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
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